Sentenced

It was February 19th and I had just turned 19 2 months before.  I was standing in a court room with only my mother my sister and my boyfriend as my support team. I had just signed a 3 year plea bargain with the state. No one cared to give me a second chance. Never been in trouble in my life. Almost 5 years later and I still remember the judges words to me. "Bernice Ramos you have been sentenced to 3 years as DOC property (department of corrections) good luck !" I had no emotions at all. They handcuffed me and shackled me and took me to the side. My mother, sister and even my boyfriend were in tears they were hysterical. Me no emotions still. I had to show them I was strong. I would not break down.  They took me behind some doors and down into a place where they had holding cells. Where I would wait to get transported to the county jail. As soon as I went into my cell I started crying. I cried  cried until I had nothing left in me. No energy. I cried for 3 weeks in the jail until I got transported to prison. I kept mentally preparing myself for what was yet to come. I was preparing my self for a 3 year sentence. I was only 19 I didnt know what to do or how I was going to do it. The day I got the to prison it was like the movies. Big watch towers with officers and rifles. Barbwired fences the whole 9. I went to lowell correctional institution. A maximum security prison for woman. They held death row there. I didnt know what to expect. When I got there I told my self not to make no friends,  dont talk to no one study these girls watch my self.. I have my own back, trust no one. I did just that for 3 months till I got transferred to the prison that was going to be called home. All the things I saw I experienced in there is another story in its self. The suffering I did. How I struggled inside with it. I never showed no one my tears I refused to let those girls think I was weak. I stayed In character at all times. I held my tears in for so long that the first time I got visitation from my parents I cried so hard and I didnt care who saw.. my mom my backbone was there and thats all I cared about. No one knows my full story and how hard it is to be in there ..  you realize how you took the smallest things for granted. For example heat when its cold ac when its hot. How it felt to be stripped from every right. To  be just a number. My skin grew thick from being in there. I am the definition of strong. When I got home I had nothing. Not even a pair of underwear. I had to start over. I have been home for almost 3 years now. I am so proud of my self. In those 3 years I got my own car, job, apartment and im in school. Im going all the way to the top and I will never let my past stop me. Never again will I take life or my freedom for granted.